I shouted “Oh my God!” as I watched Abigail being raped and brutalised by four men.
If only I had fought for her, if only I had let go of her past belligerent attitudes towards me, if only I had allowed bygone to be bygone. I lamented as hot tears rolled freely down my face.
Abgail was my friend from high school. We met while in JSS1 and we became friends almost immediately. We had so many things in common that people called us twins in school. Abigail was all I had when I became bitter, she’d be the one to encourage me during my crisis as a sickle cell patient. I was really indebted to her as she has done a lot for me.
We were good until a guy separated us when we got to the senior secondary school classes. His name was Mark. Mark was Abigail’s boyfriend but she got tired of him due to his lackadaisical attitude towards relationships. He was a real playboy. Abigail thought the only way to teach Mark a lesson and have him pay for all he did to her was to make me play him too. I was dumbfounded. “How do you expect me to play a guy?” I asked desperately but she patted me at the back and made the statement; “What are friends for if not for the help of each other?” Then I remembered all Abigail had done for me and I decided to take the risk of playing the Playboy so far it was not going to cost my life.
Abigail made Mark fall in love with me and since he was a playboy, it was very easy for us. I played the playboy successfully but something happened along the line, I fell in love with him. Funny right? Yes! I fell in love with Mark. I found out Mark was a nice fellow.He promised me heaven on earth and said he was going to change from being a playboy and his actions proved he actually did.
I was enjoying heaven on earth with Mark and with Abigail thinking I was still playing him. I wanted to tell her but I never knew how to do so, until she discovered that herself.
That was the beginning of how our friendship became sour. Abigail knew I had fallen completely for Mark and she became jealous. She felt betrayed and broken. I had to beg her that it wasn’t my fault but she wouldn’t listen. She drew a battle line and told me not to call her my friend anymore.
I was left in a world of my own. With tears in my eyes, I told Mark I needed space for a while to settle things between Abigail and l but to no avail. Abigail became belligerent and brusque towards me. She was always eager to fight. In school, we acted like enemies. Friends tried their best in settling the dispute between us but Abigail still wouldn’t want to see me. So, I made a decision to leave her to herself, since that was what she wanted.
However, she became bitter and surly again. She devised a lot of means, from mocking my present state as a sickle cell patient, to causing enmity between my other friends and I. Still I was too cautious to fall for her hurtful words and actions. Not until the very one she tried doing which led to her rape incident.
It was a faithful night. Mum sent me on an errand to go grind some pepper for dinner at the far end of the street.I became careful and watched my step as it was a quiet area with bushes around. So as not to be attacked by hoodlums on the way, I increased my pace. Suddenly, I noticed some footsteps behind me, before I knew it, I saw a group of three girls who crossed my path immediately. It was late at night so, I couldn’t recognise those girls trying to attack me but I was alarmed. I was stucked and was looking for various ways to escape until what seems like a miracle for me and a misfortune for Abigail happened.
Four guys (who I later learnt were sent by one of Abigail’s jilted ex) arrived. I ran speedily so did the other girls Abigail brought alongside to attack me.
I haven’t reached a long distance when I heard Abigail screaming vehemently for help. I stopped afar and I realised Abigail was being raped. Since I was still bitter in my heart as to why and how Abigail would come attacking me all because of Mark, the thought “serves her right” filled my mind selfishly. I was satisfied and was on my way back home but the guilt in me wouldn’t let me be.
I turned back and went to search for Abigail to see if I could rescue her by calling the police but…Alas! Abigail was dead. I wailed and threw tantrums around the street until I stood up and decided to go home, still in tears. As I got home, mum kept on asking me what has happened and I kept lamenting; “if only I had fought for Abigail, if only I had called the police,” then she wouldn’t have been dead.
This feeling of guilt in me won’t let me be at peace for the rest of my life.
Moral; Unforgiveness leads to guilt. It’s not a very easy task to forgive, especially when the person has hurt you terribly. But it’s more easy to forgive than to be in guilt because of unforgiveness. The guilt is much more unbearable when you decide not to forgive.